you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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