I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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