K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
