i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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