and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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