i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
