She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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