Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
