She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
