Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
