oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
