if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
its liver damage thursday
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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