she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize