if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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