perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
