How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
