My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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