How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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