But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
