Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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