Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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