And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
