We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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