can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
