Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
