I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
