So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
