The brown eye won't let me do that either.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
