By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
