Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
