I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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