After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
