I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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