Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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