do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
