Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
