Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You work out of a Hotel?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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