Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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