onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
