covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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