Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
