K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
