I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
