Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
