Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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