my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
