Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
