life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
