The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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