Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
