i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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