I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just gift wrapped bread.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize