Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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