i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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