just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
