Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
