My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize