I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
