Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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