did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
