Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
