i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
