I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
