Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
