their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sober January is a disaster.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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