we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
