my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
