All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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