yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
