you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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