Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
