Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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