Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Iāve cut back on drinking and now my body canāt fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. Thatās why I keep getting sick
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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