North Korea, Best Korea!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
