You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
