Betty ford says i'm here all night
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You pole danced in your parka.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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