i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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