yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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