yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
