yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
