he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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