I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
