Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I FOUND THE LEGS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize