i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
