There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
