im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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