We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
