All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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