I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
