i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is Oprah even human
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
