i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
