I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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