I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize